I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
