At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
