dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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