Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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