Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
