I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
