My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
