How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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