I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
