he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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