He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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