I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
