Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
