Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
