Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
