How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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