And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
