So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
