I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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