Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I want is dick and wine.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
