Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
