She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
