So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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