So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
