This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
