He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
