Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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