Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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