Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I love you. Go after that dick
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