You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
