what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
