Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
