i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I pour the whiskey from now on
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
