I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
