the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
