If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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