made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
