She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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