508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
