It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
