I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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