the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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