Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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