So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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