After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
