there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
