So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
