I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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