No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
