did you get engaged???
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
