I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
