I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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