i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
